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An Idiot Gets a Job


An unemployed young man saw a Help Wanted sign outside a large convention center. He went in an applied for the job.

“We have a major business convention tomorrow – some of the most important executives in the world will be coming! I need someone who will take care of security, check the invitations, give directions, etc. You will stand at the front door. Can you do it?” said the manager.

“Oh, YES SIR!” said the young man.

The following night the manager gave final instructions.

“THIS IS YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION AND A LIST OF YOUR DUTIES! You need to be paying attention! I need your full cooperation! You HAVE to do this job correctly! I have put these directions on this paper!” he said, handing it to the young man. “Remember! The guests remain on the convention floor! The rest of the center is being used! And keep things clean! And the floor is slippery! Be careful! And you are SECURITY! So keep order!”

“Yes, SIR!” said the idiot enthusiastically.

An hour later, the convention was going well and the manager was greeting the executives. Then he heard something strange. He went outside and his mouth dropped open in shock. He saw a very distinguished gentleman, an impeccably dressed, handsome and dignified city executive in a $3,000 navy blue pinstriped business suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, hundred dollar haircut and silver cufflinks. However, this corporate executive was barefoot! In addition, he was down on all fours and cleaning the floor with a scrub brush!

The idiot, now the security guard and greeter, was yelling orders and in one hand he held a pair of highly polished Italian leather loafers. In the other he held a pair of black silk business socks.

"Please! This is an Armani suit! It's getting WET!" begged the executive. "And when can I put my shoes and socks back on?"

“No questions, and get to work!” snapped the idiot, and slapped the soles of the executive’s bare feet. The executive shuddered.

The manager ran over to the businessman and helped him up. The executive’s face was beet red with anger and humiliation.

“You will be SUED! This is an outrage! He pushed me down and pulled these right off my feet! Give me those! He told me to start scrubbing or he would use his gun!” yelled the executive, and he grabbed his shiny expensive shoes and socks from the young man.

“What are you doing?!” shouted the manager to the idiot, in shock. “How dare you?!”

The idiot looked bewildered.

“But I’m just following directions, sir! You said: Keep things clean! Keep order!”

The manager yelled: “He was BAREFOOT on ALL FOURS and wearing an ARMANI SUIT!”

The idiot said: “But it says right here: "KEEP GUESTS ON THE FLOOR AT ALL TIMES! NO EXCEPTIONS!”

The manager groaned. "But what about his SHOES? Why did you take them away from him? Are you crazy?"

The idiot pointed at his job decsription: “NO LOAFERS WILL BE TOLERATED!”

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Joke Submitted by: Jim Porter